Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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