It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
