I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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