So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
