I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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