they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
