If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
