Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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