haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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