chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
