Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
