It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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