i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
