they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
