Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
