He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
