I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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