There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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