Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
