We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
