She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
