you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
