It's Friday. Sex?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
