My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
