If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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