the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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