Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
