so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sober January is a disaster.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
