Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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