would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
