Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
