T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
