Duck Duck Cougar?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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