that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
