She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
