Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
