I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
