Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
