I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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