he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
