Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
