I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why can't burritos get me drunk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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