my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
