Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
3 2 1 whiskey
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
