I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's always time for handjobs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
