: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
