I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Green mimosas i think yes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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