believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love you. Go after that dick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
