fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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