ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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