You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
