I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
