I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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