im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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