Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
