Your tits are I can't wait for
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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