not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
