My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I cut my penus on the lid.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
