I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
