I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
