Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
