Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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