I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
