Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
