Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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