I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
