Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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