don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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