I just saw a hot homeless man
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
