I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
